I’m feeling a lot of resistance to sitting down and writing to you today. I feel drained and tired and a little cranky I’ve been completely honest. it’s not really the mood I want to show up and be vulnerable and but I also think that’s exactly why I need to do it. If I reserved my showing up to this space to only when I felt like a ray of sunshine it would a) be somewhat rare and b) be inauthentic, which defeats the whole purpose of having created the space in the first place. so here I am, bad mood at all, writing my weekly letter to you all on this sunny Friday.

I had had an idea of what I wanted to write about this week but now I put pen to paper I’m not entirely sure it feels like the right thing to explore right now. Most of the times that I show up here, what I write ends up being what I need to remind myself of most at that moment. These posts are as much for me as they are for you. And honestly at this present moment I need a reminder to love myself even when I don’t want to.
I need to remind myself that I can love myself even when I’m in a bad mood.

I can love myself when i’m procrastinating.

I can love myself when I feel uncomfortable.

I can love myself when I’m not proud of myself.

In fact these are the times I need to love myself the most.

somewhere along the line we have been told that loving ourselves is a destination we arrive at once we’ve accumulated possessions, companions and experiences. we are taught that the act of self love is a conditional one, that it can be attained and lost due to external circumstances. we are taught, especially as women, to seek the love we need, crave, outside of ourselves. And we are taught that this love that we seek is given based upon how we look, how we speak, how we act, what we can give. love is sold to us as a transaction. Give this in return for that. Love is sold to us as something that can be taken away from us, that it is finite. no wonder then, that we rarely give love to ourselves. I don’t want to live like that. There is more than enough love to go around.

in fact, where love is poured, it multiplies. It blossoms and blooms and overflows where you nurture it. what you shower with love heals and begins to thrive with a radiance like no other. There is no pure energy than that of love. it flows straight from the heart, from the soul.

learning to love oneself is the journey of a lifetime. Each season we experience will bring along its own unique blessings and challenges we must love ourselves through. what we need will change season to season and we must turn inwards with the intention to understand what that might be. Then we must love ourselves by giving it to our selves. for most of my life I have struggled to understand what it actually means to love myself. I’ve questioned what it looks like, feels like, how to go about doing it. I thought it meant being selfish, self-obsessed, as if these were bad things. And they can be, in excess. But being a little selfish, creating boundaries and tuning into what you can give or take at any given moment is necessary to live a healthy life. Being confident in yourself, liking who you are, inside and out is only way to find peace.

I have learnt loving yourself looks different in each season, looks different to each person, even. It’s knowing when to give and when to take. it’s knowing went to stay and when to go. It’s knowing who to be with and who to avoid. It’s knowing when to rest and when to work or play. It’s knowing when to do and when to be. it’s knowing when to be stern with yourself and when to be extra kind yourself. Loving yourself is choosing alignment over ease. Loving yourself is acknowledging the duality within all things, the dark and the light, the highs and the lows. And caring and nourishing yourself through it all. loving yourself is creating boundaries and learning how to say no. It’s determining what drains your energy and what charges it and adjusting your life accordingly. Loving yourself is surrendering to the messy and unpredictable nature of life and those you live it with, just allowing yourself to be. Loving yourself is letting go of the need to control everything and trusting in the divine timing of it all. Loving yourself means healing your wounds, loving yourself means nurturing your inner child. loving yourself means accepting the love of others and acknowledging that you don’t have to do it all alone. Loving yourself means feeling all your feelings, giving space for them to flow through you without judgement. It means giving yourself time, to stop rushing to an end destination that doesn’t exist anyway.

Love yourself through your becoming. Love yourself through the bad moods, the heartache, the tears, the darkness. Love yourself in the ebb and the flow. Love yourself for the way your thighs wobble and your cheeks flush, for your laughter and your tears. love yourself for your empathy, for your kindness, for your light. Love yourself for the way your entire being lights up when you do or talk about something you’re passionate about. Love yourself for the way you feel everything to your very core. Love yourself for the way you love others. Love yourself for the way you sing off key, for your two left feet and severe lack of hand eye coordination. Love yourself for the way you can’t stop talking, for all the things you have to say.

Love yourself through it all.

don’t reserve your love for yourself for special occasions, stop letting it collect dust up on that shelf. shower yourself in it, each and every day. Watch yourself begin to glow, radiating that love from within. See how it brightens the world around you, even if its just a little on the days that feel overcast and heavy. let the light in, as little or as much as you can handle and allow yourself to bask in it. Let it nourish you and watch yourself bloom beneath your touch.

Love yourself through it all.

if you want to hear more about my journey towards a more authentic existence, follow me on instagram @the.authenticity.project and on medium . see my photography work on instagram @s.ophiea.lice and connect with me on linkedin.

big love to you all x